The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
