Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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