Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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