I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
