I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
