I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
