It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
