I looked at my own cervix.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
