apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
