My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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