I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
