I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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