i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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