and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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