im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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