im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
