I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
