so that wasnt chicken after all
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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