maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
