yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So vagazzling was a success
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize