the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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