bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
