i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
