I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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