I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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