3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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