i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
