So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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