Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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