Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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