There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are