so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.