So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.