You can't special order awesome
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.