Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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