i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
