pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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