I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize