Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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