I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
