Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
