It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize