would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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