I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just want to make out with him forever
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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