oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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