I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Holy sore nipples Batman
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
we should paint friendship bongs
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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