If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
