I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
