HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
