you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
