hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
