so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
