The maid of honor just puked.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
As shirtless as possible
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
my poor anus
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
