It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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