so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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