If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she told me i tasted like america
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
