areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
worst night to have a conscience
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
