You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
