I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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