so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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