woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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