just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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