the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
