that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
