she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have post one night stand depression
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