Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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