Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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