I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
