If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
