Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
