Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
