Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Couch. On fire.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize